There Are Two Kinds Of

At Some Point During Almost Every Romantic Comedy, The Female Lead Suddenly Trips And Falls, Stumbling Helplessly Over Something Ridiculous Like A Leaf, And Then Some Matthew Mcconaughey Type Either Whips Around The Corner Just In The Nick Of Time To Save Her Or Is Clumsily Pulled Down Along With Her. That Event Predictably Leads To The Magical Moment Of Their First Kiss. Please. I Fall All The Time. You Know Who Comes And Gets Me? The Bouncer.

I Didn't Become A Comedian To Work This Hard.

If You Have To Work At Mcdonald's, Good For You. But On A Side Note, Good Luck With The Rest Of Your Life.

I Had To Feign Interest In All This Nonsense Until I Could Ask When I Could Come Over And Sit On His Face. I Didn't Say That Out Loud, Of Course. I Never Say The Things I Really Want To. If I Did, I'd Have No Friends.

They Travel In Groups. You Never See An Asian By Their Self.