There Are People Who Study

It's Such An Honor To Receive The Mark Twain Prize. To Get The Same Award That Has Been Given To People Like Bill Cosby, Tina Fey And Will Ferrell, It Really Makes Me Wonder… Why Didn't I Get This Sooner?

I Believe One Day A 'ban On Gay Marriage' Will Sound Totally Ridiculous. In The Meantime, I Will Continue To Speak Out For Equality For All Of Us.

I Was Doing Stand-up At A Restaurant And There Was A Chalkboard On The Street Out Front. It Said, Soup Of The Day: Cream Of Asparagus. Ellen Degeneres.

There Are “well-known Secrets” Out There And There Are People Who Are “so Happy They Could Die.” Sometimes People Are So Sad They Have To Laugh And Sometimes Things Feel So Wrong, They’re Right. Basically What I’m Saying Is, I Usually Don’t Know What People Are Talking About.

I Look At Anything In Nature And How Things Work - The Stars, The Pyramids - And I Can't Imagine That There's Not Some Kind Of Design To It All. There's Got To Be Something Big That We Don't Understand. I Do Believe In Jesus. I Believe In Being Good To One Another. Life Is About Spending Our Time Here Contributing And Not Taking Away. That's My Faith.