The Reason There Are Two

If Jay Spent As Much Time Studying As He Does Trying To Be A Comedian, He'd Be A Big Star.

President Obama's Been Reaching Out To Iran, Reaching Out To Cuba, Reaching Out To Latin America. The Only Place He Can't Seem To Be Able To Reach Out To: Texas. ... Despite Governor Rick Perry Talking About How Texas Could Secede From The Union If It Wanted To, 75 Per Cent Of The People Who Live There Want To Stay In The United States. Of Course They Want To Stay. I Mean, After Spending All That Time And Effort Sneaking Across The Border To Get Here, Why Would They Want To Leave?

According To A New Survey, 90% Of Men Say Their Lover Is Also Their Best Friend. Which Is Really Kind Of Disturbing When You Consider Man's Best Friend Is His Dog.

Racecar Driving Is A Lot Like Sex; All Men Think They're Good At It.

If You're A Car Salesman, And Someone Says "this Is A Terrible Car, I'm Not Buying It," It Doesn't Mean They Hate You. They Just Don't Like Your Product. I Think That's A Mistake A Lot Of People In Show Business Make.. They're So Tied To Their Act They Take Everything Personally.