The Only Thing That Gets

People Would Say, "oh, You Say You Just Do Jokes." I Don't Just Do Jokes. I Do Jokes. Jokes Are Important. They Saved My Life When I Was Younger. Hopefully We're Making Things Nicer At The End Of The Day For People. That's The Entire Goal, And That's The Touchstone And The North Star For The Tone.

I Can't Be Gay! I'm A Happily Married Conservative, Just Like Ted Haggard And Larry Craig.

We Don't Have To Look For What The Next Thing Will Be. If Experience Is Any Judge, It'll Come Flowing Toward Us Like A River.

I Tell A Lot Of Young Performers, 'go Get In Trouble. Go Commit Yourself To Something You're Not Sure You Can Do.' And I Followed My Own Advice.

So My Heart Goes Out To Them. Figuratively. I Would Never Actually Entrust My Heart To Scientists—they'd Probably Implant It In A Baboon. And A Baboon With My Heart Would Be Practically Unstoppable. Baboon Strength And Agility Combined With My Determination And Media Savvy? It Would Be A Threat To All Of Humanity.