The Last Thing I'd Learn,

I Buried A Lot Of My Ironing In The Back Yard.

When Buying A New House ... Buy The House Far Enough Away From School So Your Kids Can't Come Home For Lunch.

Remember, Only A Policeman Is Allowed To Express Himself On An Expressway.

Have You Ever Known Anyone Who Bought A Fruitcake For Himself? Of Course Not. They Are Purchased As Christmas Gifts, Mostly For People You Don't Particularly Like.

The Last Thing My Kids Ever Did To Earn Money Was Lose Their Baby Teeth.