The Christians Gave Him Sunday,

When People Say “clean As A Whistle”, They Forget That A Whistle Is Full Of Spit.

The Main Reason Santa Is So Jolly Is Because He Knows Where All The Bad Girls Live.

I Had No Shoes, And I Felt Sorry For Myself Until I Met A Man Who Had No Feet. I Took His Shoes. Now I Feel Better.

We Will Never Be An Advanced Civilization As Long As Rain Showers Can Delay The Launching Of A Space Rocket.

I Think The Warning Labels On Alcoholic Beverages Are Too Bland. They Should Be More Vivid. Here Are A Few I Would Suggest: "alcohol Will Turn You Into The Same Asshole Your Father Was."; "drinking Will Significantly Improve Your Chances Of Murdering A Loved One."; "if You Drink Long Enough, At Some Point You Will Vomit Up The Lining Of Your Stomach."; "use This Product And You May Wake Up In Morocco Wearing A Cowboy Suit And Tongue-kissing A Transmission Salesman."