The Caterpillar Does All The

Number One, One, One On Wonderful Wino.

You Know The Good Part About All Those Executions In Texas? Fewer Texans.

And Speaking Of Sex, The Immaculate Conception Does Not Mean Jesus Was Conceived In The Absence Of Sex. It Means Mary Was Conceived Without Original Sin. That's All It Has Ever Meant. And According To The Tabloids, Mary Is Apparently The Only One Who Can Make Such A Claim. The Jesus Thing Is Called Virgin Birth.

The Radio Ad "hi, I'm Jeff Healey From The Jeff Healey Band. Don't Drink And Drive. I Don't". Well, I Hope You Don't Drive Sober Either Mr. Healey. You're Blind For God's Sake!

I Think The Warning Labels On Alcoholic Beverages Are Too Bland. They Should Be More Vivid. Here Are A Few I Would Suggest: "alcohol Will Turn You Into The Same Asshole Your Father Was."; "drinking Will Significantly Improve Your Chances Of Murdering A Loved One."; "if You Drink Long Enough, At Some Point You Will Vomit Up The Lining Of Your Stomach."; "use This Product And You May Wake Up In Morocco Wearing A Cowboy Suit And Tongue-kissing A Transmission Salesman."