The Best You Can Hope

As Network Administrator I Can Take Down The Network With One Keystroke. It's Just Like Being A Doctor But Without Getting Gooky Stuff On My Paws.

When Life Gives You Lemons... Choke On Them And Die... You Stupid Lemon Eater.

I Can't Memorize Names And Shake Hands At The Same Time.

Recently I Quit Caffeine. My Doctor Seems To Think That 17 Diet Cokes Per Day Is Too Much. In Case You Ever Consider Getting Off Caffeine Yourself, Let Me Explain The Process. You Begin By Sitting Motionlessly In A Desk Chair. Then You Just Keep Doing That Forever Because Life Has No Meaning.

On The Keyboard Of Life, Always Keep One Finger On The Escape Key.