That Was The Good Thing

The Link Between My Brain And My Mouth Is Just Not There Anymore.

I Remember When I Was A Teenager Thinking My Girlfriend Was Cheating On Me, And Going Around Riling Myself Up. Pretending To Cry. It Was Totally Illegitimate-i Actually Didn't Feel Anything. I Went To Some Pub And Then Went Crying All The Way Home. And I Got Into My Dog's Bed. I Was Crying And Holding On To The Dog. I Woke Up In The Morning, And The Dog Was Looking At Me Like, 'you're A Fake.'

It's Funny, People Were Asking Me How I'd Feel When It All Ends, On The First Movie, And I Don't Think I've Ever Felt More Completely Bewildered, Knowing That I Only Have A Month Of Twilight Stuff Left To Do.

My Ideal Of Manliness Is To Be Incapable Of Doing Anything

I Kind Of Wish People Didn’t Know Who I Am, That I Could Just Lie, Say I’m A Speechwriter For Obama. This Is What I Said Before Twilight. And Then Obama Came Along And Picked Up All These Young Writers. I Found Out This Guy, Jon Favreau — Who’s Not The Actor Jon Favreau — Is Writing For Him. And I Was Like, Wow, I Wonder If The People Who Thought I Was Bullshitting At The Time Are Like, ‘oh My God. That Guy! That Kid Who Was Drunk In Some Bar Actually Wrote The Health Care Bill!’