Thank You 'adults Who Wear

One Gop Congressman Named Carlos Curbelo Actually Suggested That Donald Trump May Be A 'phantom Candidate' That Has Been Planted By Democrats. The Dnc Strongly Denied This - While Hillary Said, 'crap, They Figured It Out! Take Off The Wig, Bill.'

At A Recent Education Summit, President Obama Admitted That He Can't Rap. When They Heard, Americans Said, 'good!'

New Scientist Magazine Reported That In The Future, Cars Could Be Powered By Hazelnuts. That's Encouraging, Considering An Eight-ounce Jar Of Hazelnuts Costs About Nine Dollars. Yeah, I've Got An Idea For A Car That Runs On Bald Eagle Heads And Faberge Eggs.

Halloween Is Tomorrow. A Group Of Wine Experts Has Actually Come Up With A List Of The Best Wines To Pair With Halloween Candy. They Say, "white Wine Goes Great With Skittles, Red Wine Goes Great With Twix, And ... We're Alcoholics, Aren't We?

Rand Paul Is Taking A Week-long Break From Talking To The Media To Spend Time With His Family Before He Officially Announces That He Is Running For President. Because Nothing Motivates You To Be On The Road For Two Straight Years Like A Week Alone With Your Family.