Stupidity Really Gets Me Going,

Behind Me, I Heard A Young Woman Of 25 Say, "if It Weren’t For My Horse, I Wouldn’t Have Spent That Year In College." Now, I'm Gonna Repeat That, Because It Bears Repeating. "if It Weren't For My Horse..." As In, Giddyup, Giddyup, Let's Go — "i Wouldn't Have Spent That Year In College," Which Is A Degree-granting Institution. Don't Think About That Too Long, Or Blood Will Shoot Out Your Nose!

I Love Anything That Gets Me Outside Of My Own Head.

I Don't Believe Pumpkin Pie Is Even Made From Pumpkin. I Mean, How Can Something That Smells That Shitty Make A Pie So Sweet? There's Not Enough Sugar In The Universe.

Kids Seem To Get Me When I Play Colleges - They Like It Because I Go After Them. They'll Come Up After And Say I Am Like Their Dads, Only Funny.

I Think Comics In New York Are Interested In Being Comics. And There're Comics In L.a. Who Are Touring Comics, Who Are Certainly More Interested In Stand-up, But A Lot Of L.a. Stand-ups Are Really Looking To Do Something Else.