Stand-up Comedy Is Like The

Now That I Have Children, I Realize Taking Care Of My Children Is More Fun Than Anything In The Whole World.

I Ain't Shootin' Nobody. So Call Me A Faggot! When The War's Over, I'll Be The Faggot With Two Legs, Thank You!

Karaoke Isn't Fair When You're A Comedian. The Whole Idea Is To Get People Laughing And Enjoying Themselves, And I'm A Professional Funny Guy.

Oprah Is Rich; Bill Gates Is Wealthy. If Bill Gates Woke Up Tomorrow With Oprah's Money, He'd Jump Out Of A Window And Slit His Throat On The Way Down Saying, 'i Can't Even Put Gas In My Plane!'

I Had Always Been - Everybody Kind Of Likes Comedy. I Was Very Interested In Comedy, Beyond Just Liking It. I Had Friends That Took Apart Radios; I Wanted To Take Apart Jokes.