Sometimes We Don't Know What

I Got Out On The Street And Started Crying The Kind Of Hysterical Tears Made Justifiable Only By Turning Off One’s Cell Phone, Putting It To The Ear, And Pretending To Be Told Of A Death In The Family.

I Prefer To Record All Traumas And Save Them For Later, Playing Them Over And Over So They Can Haunt Me For A Disproportionate Number Of Weeks To Come. It's Very Healthy.

Kids Across The Country Have Grown Up Accepting The Idea That No One Can Harm Your Family If At Least One Of Its Adult Members Is In The Shower. No One Knows Why.

Unless We're Talking About Old-school, Witchcraft-trial Violence, Can We Please Phase Out The Phrase 'girl Crush?' While We're At It, If We Can Axe 'like, Total Girl Crush' Unless Total Girl Crush Is The Name Of A Fizzy Soft Drink, In Which Case I'll Take Two, Thank You.

You Just Don't Notice The Time Of Your Own Metamorphosis. Until You Do. Every Once In A While Time Dissolves And You Remember What You Liked As A Kid. You Jump On Your Hotel Bed, Order Dessert First, Decide To Put Every Piece Of Jewelry You Own On Your Body And Leave The House. Why? Because You Can. Because You're The Boss. Because... Ooooh. Shiny.