Sometimes The Only Solution Is

Video Games Don't Make People Go Nuts. I Played Super Mario Forever. Not Once Hopping On A Turtle Or Smash My Head Through A Brick Ceiling.

Strip Clubs Are Great Places To Meet Interesting People You Only Wanna Know For About 40 Minutes.

You Are The Director Of Your Own Life Story. Don't Cast Idiots Or People Will Walk Out During Your 2nd Act.

Nice Teeth Is A Turn On For Me. If You Open Your Mouth And It Looks Like A Battle Of Epic Proportions, I Don't Like It.

I Once Overheard The Sweetest Old Woman Behind Me On A Train Tell Her Adorable Old Husband As He Scoffed Down A Ham Sandwich She Had Brought Along, "if You Ever Yell At Me To "stop Bringing A Ham Sandwich With Me Every Where We Go" Again? Next Time I'm Bringing A Gun. And I'm Blowing Your God Damn Head Off."