Sometimes People Get Mad At

I Think People Who Work In Comedy And Humor Are Hesitant To Analyze It Too Much, Because You Feel Like If You Take It Apart, You'll Break It And Not Be Able To Put It Back Together Again.

Back In High School, I Wrote A Novel About A Character Named Bart Simpson. I Thought It Was A Very Unusual Name For A Kid At The Time. I Had This Idea Of An Angry Father Yelling "bart," And Bart Sounds Kind Of Like Bark - Like A Barking Dog.

I Grew Up Completely Overwhelmed By Tv, And Part Of The Reason Why I Have Gone Into Television Is As A Way To Justify To Myself All Those Wasted Hours Of Watching Tv As A Kid. I Can Now Look Back And Say, 'oh, That Was Research.'

You Know, I've Been Thinking. Everyone Makes Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwiches But Usually The Jelly Drips Out All Over The Side And The Guy's Hands Get All Sticky. But Your Jelly Stays Right In The Middle Where It's Supposed To. I Don't Know How You Do It? You Just Got A Gift, I Guess. I've Always Thought So. I've Just Never Mentioned It. But It's Time You Knew How I Feel. I Don't Believe In Keeping Feelings Bottled Up. Goodbye, My Wife.

I'm Better Than Dirt. Well, Most Kinds Of Dirt, Not That Fancy Store-bought Dirt... I Can't Compete With That Stuff.