Some People Can Handle Alcohol.

I Don't Wanna Just Be Remembered For The Funniest Guy In My Neighborhood.

There's 5 Levels Of Fatness! Fluffy Is One Of The Levels. There's Big, Healthy, Husky, Fluffy And Damn.

As A Comedian, Especially One That Works As Much As I Do, There Is A Lot Of Sacrifice. People Don't See That I'm Away From My Family 46 Weeks Out Of The Year. I Miss All The Birthdays And Anniversaries And Holidays.

And I Don't Want You Thinking That My Girlfriend Is A Bad Person. She Is An Amazing Woman, The Fact That I Only Have Seven Stories About Her In Eight Years, Says A Lot. You Know, Don't Get Me Wrong, Five Of Them Happened This Year, But That's Still Way Below The Bar, You Know What I Am Saying.

With All The Classes They Offer At School, How Come They Don't Have One For Common Sense?