Sit Up, Join Up, Get

Some Days, I'd Feel Better With Punxsutawney Phil In The Oval Office - At Least He Doesn't Lie About The Weather.

You Could Probably Prove, By Judicious Use Of Logarithms And Congruent Triangles, That Real Life Is A Lot More Like Soap Opera Than Most People Will Admit.

I Learned Two Things Growing Up In Texas. 1: God Loves You, And You're Going To Burn In Hell Forever. 2: Sex Is The Dirtiest And Most Dangerous Thing You Can Possibly Do, So Save It For Someone You Love.

Satire Is Traditionally The Weapon Of The Powerless Against The Powerful.

I'm Sorry That Government Involves Filling Out A Lot Of Forms. ... I'm Sorry Myself That We're Not Still On The Frontier, Where We Could All Tote Guns, Shoot Anything That Moved And Spit To Our Hearts' Content. But We Live In A Diverse And Crowded Country, And With Civilization Comes Regulation.