President Obama Was In India

I Always Tell New People In Show Business. I Say, "look, Show Business Pays You A Lot Of Money, Because Eventually You're Gonna Get Screwed. And When You Get Screwed, You Will Have This Pile Of Money Off To The Side Already." And They Go, "ok, Ok. Ok, You Ready? You Ready?" "i Got Screwed." "you Got The Pile Of Money?" "yeah, I'm Fine." I Mean, That's The Way It Works.

In A Speech Earlier Today President Bush Said If Iraq Gets Rid Of Saddam Hussein, He Will Help The Iraqi People With Food, Medicine, Supplies, Housing, Education - Anything That's Needed. Isn't That Amazing? He Finally Comes Up With A Domestic Agenda - And It's For Iraq. Maybe We Could Bring That Here If It Works Out.

The University Of Nebraska Says That Elderly People That Drink Beer Or Wine At Least Four Times A Week Have The Highest Bone Density. They Need It - They're The Ones Falling Down The Most.

A Survey Released Today Found That Men Spend Twice As Much On Their Mistresses For Christmas As They Do On Their Wives. On The Other Hand, Men Spend Half Their Income On The Wives When The Wife Finds Out About The Mistress. So It All Balances Out.

Did You Hear That We're Writing Iraq's New Constitution? Why Not Just Give Them Ours? We're Not Using It Anymore.