Posterity Will Know As Little

Then A Sentimental Passion Of A Vegetable Fashion Must Excite Your Languid Spleen, An Attachment A La Plato For A Bashful Young Potato, Or A Not-too-french French Bean!

I've An Irritating Chuckle, I've A Celebrated Sneer, I've An Entertaining Snigger, I've A Fascinating Leer; To Everybody's Prejudice I Know A Thing Or Two; I Can Tell A Woman's Age In Half A Minute--and I Do

No Good Play Is A Success; Fine Writing And High Morals Are Useless On The Stage. I Have Been Scribbling Twaddle For Thirty-five Years To Suit The Public Taste, And I Should Know.

When Every Blessed Thing You Have Is Made Of Silver, Or Of Gold, You Long For Simple Pewter.

I Shall Carry To The Catacombs Of Age, Photographically Lined On The Tablet Of My Mind