Personally, I Hope He Doesn't

You Gotta Laugh Because If You Didn't You'd Cry

If I Have A Near-beer, I’m Near Beer. And If I’m Near Beer, I’m Close To Tequila. And If I’m Close To Tequila, I’m Adjacent To Cocaine.

Anyone Who's Just Driven 90 Yards Against Huge Men Trying To Kill Them Has Earned The Right To Do Jazz Hands.

During The Cold War, West Berlin Was An Exclave - A Tiny Outpost Of Liberalism Surrounded By People Who Want To Crush It. It Was Like Austin, Texas.

Scientists Say Over The Next Hundred Years, The Coast Of California Will Sink Almost Five Feet. So The Presidential Candidates Need To Do Something. Mitt Romney Is Conflicted. On One Hand, He Denies That Global Warming Exists. But If California Is Under Water, He Would Definitely Win The Next Election.