Oprah Is So Rich, I

Black Movies Don't Have Real Names, They Have Names Like Barbershop. That's Not A Name, That's Just A Location.

If A Woman Tells You She's Twenty And Looks Sixteen, She's Twelve. If She Tells You She's Twenty-six And Looks Twenty-six, She's Damn Near Fourty.

I Pride Myself On Being The Guy Who Can Do Def Comedy Jam And Charlie Rose. And Do Well On Both.

For Me, Anything Goes When I Pick Up A Mike. I'm Not Trying To Hurt People - I Try Not To Get Too Personal - But I Look At Myself As A Reporter. If You Can Report On Anything That Has To Do With Pop Culture, Then Why Can't I Make Jokes About It? Yes, It Hurts. But I Figure That Laughter Sometimes Starts From Pain. You Might Wince, But Then I Know That I'm Doing My Job. The Only Thing I Can Do Wrong Is Not Be Funny.

I Don't Get High, But Sometimes I Wish I Did. That Way, When I Messed Up In Life I Would Have An Excuse. But Right Now There's No Rehab For Stupidity.