One Rough Patch Is Not

Everybody Always Resolves To Start Exercising, But They Never Do. You Know Why ? Because It's January. Who Wants To Go Jogging In The Freezing Cold ?

I Get Home At The End Of The Day And I Don't Want To Talk. All I Want To Do Is Lay On The Floor And Pet My Dogs And My Cats.

One Time I Actually Cleaned Out My Closet So Good I Ended Up On The Cover Of Time Magazine.

Yeah I'm Thirty-six, But On The Show I'm Thirty-two. Nobody Wants To Watch A Thirty-six Year Old Woman, So They Decided To Make Me Thirty-two. Much More Appealing Somehow.

I Was Doing Stand-up At A Restaurant And There Was A Chalkboard On The Street Out Front. It Said, Soup Of The Day: Cream Of Asparagus. Ellen Degeneres.