Of Course, That's Just My

After 7 Years Of Marriage, I Am Sure Of 2 Things: First, Never Wallpaper Together And Second, You'll Need 2 Bathrooms . . . Both For Her. The Rest Is A Mystery, But A Mystery I Love To Be Involved In.

I'm Glad I Don't Have A Lot Of Money In The Market. And Quite Frankly, You'd Be Better Off Giving Your Money To A Colorblind Roulette Addict Than Put It In The Stock Market.

I'm Sorry, Those Pictures From The Abu Ghraib. At First, They, Like Infuriated Me, I Was Sad. Then Like, A Couple Days Later, After They Cut The Guy's Head Off, They Didn't Seem Like Much. And Now, I Like To Trade Them With My Friends.

Concussion? How The Hell Can They Tell? They're *football* Players, For Chrissakes!

Yeah, This Country's Founding Fathers Are A Bunch Of Dead Rich White Men, But They Did Set Things Up So You Could Come And Sit At The Table, So Don't Piss In The Finger Bowls, All Right? Thank You. In Return For Unfettered Economic Opportunity And No Government Death Squads, Try To Get Along With Your New Stepmotherland, And Don't Be Resentful If There's A Set Of House Rules Already In Place.