Number One: Don't Frisk Me.

Trump Says That If He's Elected, He Won't Let The Presidency Interfere With The Miss Universe Pageant.

George Clooney Is On The Program Tonight. Next Week At This Time I Will Be In A Hardware Store Watching Them Mix Paint.

The New Cia Torture Report Is 6 Million Pages Long. It's Almost As Long As A George Clooney Pre-nup.

The United States Has Launched Airstrikes Against Isis. It's Being Called 'operation Approval Ratings.'

To Label Jason Randal A Magician Does A Disservice. You'll Think The Laws Of Physics, Nature, The Universe Itself Have Been Suspended. He's As Good As Houdini Was At His Best!