Now My Wife May Think

Well, You Know, When You Go Into A Restaurant, One Of The Scariest Things Is The Wine List, So Whenever I'm Really Feeling Intimidated, I'll Just Pick A Wine Type, Like A Chianti Or Brunello Or A Burgundy, And I'll Pick A Year That's Missing And Ask For That One.

Unless Your Kid Is Pele Jr., They're Not Going To Be Able To Feed Themselves From Soccer. If Your Kid Knows How To Play Soccer, But Not Make Dinner, You Have Done Them A Disservice.

Wine Is Like Women. It Tempts You; It Comforts You; It Confuses You And Can Even Turn On You When You Least Expect It. It Can Be Your Friend One Day And Your Enemy The Next.

If My Wife Made Childhood Obesity Her Mission And I Signed A Law Making 1/8 Cup Of Tomato Paste A Vegetable, I'd Be Sleeping On The Sofa.

I Love To Have Battles Of The Wits With People That Can Dish Fast And Dirty - And It Leads To Problems Occasionally, 'cause I Can Sound Mean Without Attempting To Be Mean.