No Employment Can Be Managed

The Discovery Of A Wine Is Of Greater Moment Than The Discovery Of A Constellation. The Universe Is Too Full Of Stars.

If The Elbow Had Been Placed Closer To The Hand, The Forearm Would Have Been Too Short To Bring The Glass To The Mouth; And If It Had Been Closer To The Shoulder, The Forearm Would Have Been So Long That It Would Have Carried The Glass Beyond The Mouth.

This Gave Me Occasion To Observe, That When Men Are Employ'd They Are Best Contented. For On The Days They Work'd They Were Good-natur'd And Chearful; And With The Consciousness Of Having Done A Good Days Work They Spent The Evenings Jollily; But On The Idle Days They Were Mutinous And Quarrelsome, Finding Fault With Their Pork, The Bread, And In Continual Ill-humour. (autobiography, 1771)

An Infallible Remedy For The Tooth-ach, Viz Wash The Root Of An Aching Tooth, In Elder Vinegar, And Let It Dry Half An Hour In The Sun; After Which It Will Never Ach More; Probatum Est.

If By The Liberty Of The Press Were Understood Merely The Liberty Of Discussing The Propriety Of Public Measures And Political Opinions, Let Us Have As Much Of It As You Please: But If It Means The Liberty Of Affronting, Calumniating And Defaming One Another, I, For My Part, Own Myself Willing To Part With My Share Of It, Whenever Our Legislators Shall Please So To Alter The Law And Shall Chearfully Consent To Exchange My Liberty Of Abusing Others For The Privilege Of Not Being Abused Myself.