Never Go To Bed Angry,

[on Plastic Surgery:] When I Die, God Won't Know Me. There Are No Two Parts Of My Body The Same Age.

The Only Time I Ever Enjoyed Ironing Was The Day I Accidentally Got Gin In The Steam Iron.

Nothing Was Happening In The Bedroom. I Nicknamed Our Waterbed The Dead Sea.

You Know What Keeps Me Humble? Mirrors!

I'm Beginning To Have Morning Sickness. I'm Not Having A Baby, I'm Just Sick Of Morning.