My Son Jack Just Got

Everybody's Having Fun, Except Me I'm The Lonely One I Live In Shame.

They Said I Would Never Write This Book. Well, F**k ’em – ’cos Here It Is. All I Have To Do Now Is Remember Something... Bollocks. I Can’t Remember Anything.

Take My Hand And We'll Go Riding Through The Sunshine From Above. We'll Find Happiness Together In The Summer Skies Of Love.

My Stay In Camp Betty Was The Longest I'd Been Without Drink Or Drugs In My Adult Life. [...] At First, They Put Me In A Room With A Guy Who Owned A Bowling Alley, But He Snored Like An Asthmatic Horse, So I Moved And Ended Up With A Depressive Mortician. [...] The Mortician Snored Even Louder Than The Bowling Alley Guy - He Was Like A Moose With A Tracheotomy.

Tell Me I'm A Sinner I Got News For You I Spoke To God This Morning And He Don't Like You! Don't You Try And Teach Me No Original Sin; I Don't Need Your Pity For The Shape I'm In