My Manager Said, "don't Use

I Sometimes Close My Eyes During A Show Because I Have Drawn A Picture Of An Audience Enjoying The Show More On The Back Of My Eyelids.

Rice Is Great If You're Really Hungry And Want To Eat Two Thousand Of Something.

I Thought I'd Go To A Craft Fair, And There Would Be A Jar Of Jellybeans There - "guess How Many Jellybeans Are In This Jar, And Win A Prize". Aw, Come On, Man, Let Just Me Have Some. I'll Tell You What, Guess How Many Jellybeans I Want! If You Guessed A Handful, You Are Right.

One Time I Stayed At A Haunted Motel. When I Checked Into My Room, There Was A Sheet On The Floor, And I Thought It Was A Ghost That Had Passed Out, So I Kicked It.

Stand-up Is An Art But Since It's Humor And It's Funny - A Lot Of Guys That Don't Think It's Art Are Probably Coming From The Angle That They Don't Want To Take It So Seriously. I've Always Looked At It As An Art But I Don't Look At It As A Pretentious Art. I Understand It Has To Be Taken Lightly Because It Is Just Comedy In The End, But The Good Stand-up Comics Are Someone With Something To Say.