My Favourite Things Are Jokes,

I'm Not Trying To Achieve Perfection. I Don't Like This Forced Control People Have Over Work.

Being A Fan Of Authentic Dada, I Find Today's Art - What I Call 'bankers' Dada' - Mind-numbingly Dull. The Most Challenging Work I've Seen Of Late Is By The British Art Resistance. Their Document, 'a Call For Heroes In An Age Of Cowards', Is Apt In These Days Of Witless Chancers.

When I Was Better Known Than Her, She Put My Name In That Tent. I Was Asked To Do Celebrity Big Brother, But Why Should I? We Live In An Age Where Fame Is Not Related To What You Do.

I Gave Up Drinking Lots Of Whiskey And Began To Practice Yoga And Meditation. As A Result I Am Not Dead.

I'm Going To Get A Pair Of Wire-snips, And I've Also Started A New Campaign To Have Blank Cds On Jukeboxes So You Can Play The Silence.