My Eyes Rolled So Far

I Make Lots Of Mistakes. I Try Hard Not To Make The Same Mistake More Than Three Or Four Times.

He [ranger] Stopped In Front Of My Parents' House, And We Both Looked To The Door. My Mother And My Grandmother Were Standing There, Watching Us. "i'm Not Sure I Feel Comfortable About The Way Your Grandma Looks At Me," Ranger Said. [stephanie] "she Wants To See You Naked." "i Wish You Hadn't Told Me That, Babe." "everyone I Know Wants To See You Naked." "and You?" "never Crossed My Mind." I Held My Breath When I Said It, And I Hoped God Wouldn't Stike Me Down Dead For Lying.

Mrs. Zuppa Was Coming In From Bingo Just As I Was Leaving The Building. "looks Like You're Going To Work," She Said, Leaning Heavily On Her Cane. "what Are You Packin'?" "a Thirty-eight." "i Like A Nine-millimeter Myself." "a Nine's Good." "easier To Use A Semiautomatic After You've Had Hip Replacement And You Walk With A Cane," She Said. One Of Those Useful Pieces Of Information To File Away And Resurrect When I Turn Eighty-three.

I Hate Mornings. They Start So Early.

Men Drive Off Bridges And Drink Too Much Because Of Women Like You.