My Eleven Year Old Daughter

Every Closed Eye Is Not Sleeping, And Every Open Eye Is Not Seeing.

The Heart Of Marriage Is Memories; And If The Two Of You Happen To Have The Same Ones And Can Savor Your Reruns, Then Your Marriage Is A Gift From The Gods.

You Know My Father's Favorite Game? Come Here And Pull My Finger.

Calculus Is One Course You Can Come With To Your Parents And Say, I Am Dropping It. And They'll Understand.

Racial Humor Was About 35% Of My Act When I First Started. But I Realized That It Was A Crutch. What Brought It Home Was When Another Comedian Said To Me, 'if You Changed Color Tomorrow, You Wouldn't Have Any Material.' He Meant It As A Put-down, But I Took It As A Challenge.