My Children Love My Mother,

Any Husband Who Says, "my Wife And I Are Completely Equal Partners," Is Talking About Either A Law Firm Or A Hand Of Bridge.

Your Parents Put A Curse On You - Someday Your Kids Are Going To Act Just Like You.

A New Father Quickly Learns That His Child Invariably Comes To The Bathroom At Precisely The Times When He's In There, As If He Needed Company. The Only Way For This Father To Be Certain Of Bathroom Privacy Is To Shave At The Gas Station.

Now, This Is The Fun Part About Getting Stoned. They Get Stoned, Then They Become Paranoid. Now, When They Started Out, They Said, "let's Get High And Have Fun." So They're High; Now They're Paranoid. "am I Falling Out Of This Chair?"

Don't Talk Yourself Into Not Being You.