Meat Is Dirty. I Wouldn't

A Flu Shot Just Compromises Your Immune System.

40% Of Homicides Go Unsolved. You Know, It's Not A Very Good Record. And, Also, 95% Of Convictions In America Come From Plea Bargaining, Which Is Often Coerced. It's Like We Have The Worst Of Both Worlds. We Don't Convict The Guilty Enough, And We Coerce The Innocent Too Much.

New Rule: Someone Must X-ray My Stomach To See If The Peeps I Ate On Easter Are Still In There, Intact And Completely Undigested. And I'm Not Talking About This Past Easter. I'm Talking About The Last Time I Celebrated Easter, In 1962.

In New York Now, They Have Harvey Milk High School For Gay Students. They Don't Have Much Of A Football Team, But The Half-time Show . . .

Well, The American Public Always Wanted To Vote For A Guy — And Bush Was The Perfect Guy — Who They'd Want To Have Over For Pot-roast. And George Bush Is That Guy. He Does That Well. You'd Like To Have Him Over For Pot-roast. He Reminds You Of Yourself. Okay. Well, Now He's Been Over, He's Had The Pot-roast. But He's Getting Drunk And Now He's Talking About Stem Cells And Terri Schiavo And Gay Marriage. And Now He's The Guest That Won't Leave.