Man Is The Only Animal

A Lawyer Is Never Entirely Comfortable With A Friendly Divorce, Anymore Than A Good Mortician Wants To Finish His Job And Then Have The Patient Sit Up On The Table.

Women Speak Because They Wish To Speak, Whereas A Man Speaks Only When Driven To Speak By Something Outside Himself Like, For Instance, He Can't Find Any Clean Socks.

It Has Been Explained To Me That Toys Are Packaged In Shards, To Be Assembled By The Middle-aged And Butter-fingered, Because This Makes It Easier For The Shippers. ... If They Had To Spend Hours And Hours Putting Handlebars Onto Bicycles ... They Would Repent Their Ways And Deliver Something That Looked Like A Rocking Horse And Not Like The Result Of A Small Street Accident.

Some People Have Such A Talent For Making The Best Of A Bad Situation That They Go Around Creating Bad Situations So They Can Make The Best Of Them.

I Make Mistakes; I'll Be The Second To Admit It.