Kim Jong Il Made His

Fifteen Years Ago Tomorrow I Had Open Heart Surgery, A Quintuple Bypass Surgery. Thanks To All Of My Doctors. Because Of Them, In 15 Years Of Life I've Been Able To Experience, Well, Acid Reflux, Short-term Memory Loss, And Erectile Dysfunction. Thanks For All Your Work. It's Great To Be Alive.

Valentine's Day Money-saving Tips: Break Up On February 13th, Get Back Together On The 15th. In Place Of Bubble Bath, Use Lavender-scented Dish-washing Liquid. Forget Rose Petals. Sprinkle The Bed With Sliced Beets!

Congratulations To Bill And Hillary Clinton: This Weekend, 33rd Wedding Anniversary. How About That? And You Thought The Iraqi War Was A Never-ending Conflict.

Are You Getting A Big Kick Out Of The Enron Scandal? I Find This Interesting That Whenever A Big Crisis Starts, People Start Showing Up In Church. So, Ken Lay Shows Up In Church This Weekend. Church Officials Are Still Looking For The Collection Plates.

Bush Explained His Strategy For Transfer Of Power. It's A Two Part Plan. Part One: Clean Out His Desk. Part Two: Rent A U-haul.