I've Never Read An Article

I Wasn't Even A Big Comedy Nerd. A Lot Of The Comedians I Know - A Lot Of My Friends Are Comedians - They Knew A Lot About Comedy Growing Up.

If Someone Throws A Pie At Your Face, Just Open Your Mouth Really Wide And Say, 'thanks For Feeding Me, A**hole.'

A Lifevest Protects You From Drowning And A Bulletproof Vest Protects You From Getting Shot, And A Sweater Vest Protects You From Pretty Girls.

I've Met A Few People Who Were Passive-aggressive, But I've Never Met Anyone Who Was Aggressive-passive. I Don't Want Tacos! Maybe.

To Remove Blood Stains From Your Conscience Try Frozen Margaritas.