I've Never Gambled A Dime.

Some People Call Me A Legend And The Last Of The Greats, And I Appreciate It.

I've Never Been Able To Tell Jokes. In The Beginning Of My Career I Did Impressions And Jokes Like Any Other Comedian, But I Was Never Very Successful Because I Did It Poorly. So I Started To Talk To The Audience And Started Talking About The Atmosphere Around Me And Started To Become Angry, Not In A Mean-spirited Way, But In A Fun Way - And My Attitude Developed From There.

When I Got Out Of High School, I Wanted To Be An Actor But Was Getting A Lot Of Rejections. I Was Getting Rejected By Life. My Mother, God Rest Her Soul, Told Me Not To Quit.

When Someone Says To Me, Do You Do Stand-up I Say Absolutely Not. I Like To Think Of It As A Theatrical Performance. With Me The Show Changes Maybe Five To Ten Percent Every Night. Of Course, Whatever I See In Front Of Me And Sometimes I Get On A Little Run About It And It Changes The Show. And My Delivery Is Such That People Who Have Seen Me Many Times Say Gee, I Never Heard That Before. Actually, They Have, But I Might Have Changed It Around.

No Matter Where You Go In This World, You Will Always Find A Jew Sitting In The Beach Chair Next To You.