I've Learned To Have Absolutely

I Wish I Had A Twin, So I Could Know What I'd Look Like Without Plastic Surgery.

You Know You're Getting Old When Work Is A Lot Less Fun And Fun Is A Lot More Work.

Oprah Winfrey Is So Powerful That She Had The Rapture Postponed Until After Her Final Show Airs.

I've Learned To Have Absolutely No Regrets About Any Jokes I've Ever Done. You Can Tune Me Out, You Can Click Me Off, It's Ok. I Am Not Going To Bow To Political Correctness.

She's So Fat, She's My Two Best Friends.