I've Done The Performing Monkey

We Need To Finally Accept That All Sentient Creatures Are Deserving Of Basic Rights. I Define Basic Rights As This -the Ability To Pursue Life Without Having Someone Else's Will Involuntarily Forced Upon You.

A Lot Of Times Good, Pristine Recordings Prevent The Listener From Getting Emotionally Involved In The Music.

When Britney Shaves Off All Her Hair And Beats Paparazzi With Umbrellas - That's What Celebrities Are Supposed To Do. They're Not Supposed To Be Reasonable, Middle-aged Guys Drinking Organic Tea Talking About Semiotics.

One Time I Was Doing An Interview For A Gay Magazine And Halfway Through The Journalist Found Out I Wasn't Gay. He Said, 'sorry, I Can't Continue The Interview.' Because They Only Had Gay Public Figures In Their Magazine. I Felt So Crestfallen. I Wanted To Tell Him: But I Play Fundraisers For Gay Marriage! I'd Rather My Kids Were Gay Than Straight!'

The Midlife Crisis You're Having At 30 Is Indulgent, But The Midlife Crisis You Have At 45 Is To An Extent Thrust Upon You.