In Giving Advice, Aptitude Is

All Kinds Of Violence On The Tv. You're Not Supposed To Watch Violence On The Tv. Children, They Can't Watch It 'cause They're Afraid Maybe The Kids Will Copy Something They See On The Tv. I Can't Even Get A Funny Cartoon Anymore Because Some 12-year-old Somewhere Watched A Particularly Violent Episode Of The Road Runner-coyote Show, And The Next Day, They Found Him At The Bottom Of A Canyon, Two Giant Springs Strapped To His Feet.

If You're Looking For The Suspect In A Suicide Bombing, Here's A Clue: Look For The Dead Guy.

During Misfortunes, Nothing Aggravates Our Condition More, Than To Be Esteemed Deserving Of Them.

Note To Self... Sex With Blow-up Doll Is Not As Good As Advertised.

I've Seen People In Theaters, And It Just Doesn't Work, Because You're Talking To The Guy Next To You The Whole Time.