In America, We Like Everyone

According To Kim Jong-il's Biography, They Say He Has Been Constantly Accused Of Dishonesty, Drunkenness And Sexual Excess. So If He Lived Here, He Could Be In Congress.

Kerry Was Here In Los Angeles. He Was Courting The Spanish Vote By Speaking Spanish. And He Showed People He Could Be Boring In Two Languages.

Jesse Jackson's Wife Was Arrested In Puerto Rico While Protesting The Naval Bombings There. Jesse Said He Was Holding A Meeting With Four Of His Secretaries To Decide What To Do And That These Meetings Could Run Well Into The Night.

George W. Bush Loves Golf Because It's Like The Election--low Score Wins.

Rick Santorum Is So Conservative; He Thinks Ky Jelly Is Jam Made In Kentucky.