In America, We Know To

If Obama Can Force You To Get Health Insurance Just By Calling It A Tax, Than There Is Nothing To Stop Him From Making You Gay Marry An Illegal Immigrant Wearing A Condom On A Hydroponic Pot Farm Powered By Solar Energy.

The Only Thing That Gets Me High Is The Musky Scent Of My Enemy's Fear

Any Religion Whose Messiah’s Name Isn’t Recognized By Microsoft Word Can’t Be That Much Of A Threat.

Comedians Dissect Jokes All The Time. Comedians Are Beautiful Structuralists. But Ultimately It's An Athletic Endeavor.

When Meeting Royalty, It Is Very Important, No Matter How Excited You Are, Not To Vomit On Them. Instead, Vomit On The Nearest Commoner.