You Can Change The World.

Texas Governor Rick Perry Has Been In The Race Only Three Days, And He's Already Blowing Away The Competition Like It Is A Trespassing Coyote.

Republicans: The Party That Brought Us 'just Say No.' First As A Drug Policy, Then As Their Entire Platform.

Scientists Have Invented A New Strain Of Cannabis Without The High. They Celebrated With Non-alcoholic Beer And Furious Dry-humping.

President Bush Has Embarked On An Eight-day Tour Of The Continent. He Hopes This One Goes Better Than The Other Ones He's Made Recently. Obviously He's Not Doing That Well In North America [on Screen: '36% Approval'], His South American Trip Had A Few Bumps [on Screen: 'angry Mobs Of Torch-carrying Bumps'], Europe Seems To Think The President Doesn't Care What They Think, But Hey, Who Cares What They Think? They Could At Least Thank Him For What He's Done For Their Burning Effigy Industry.

If It's Called The Usa Today, Why Is All The News From Yesterday?