I'm Thankful That My Memory

Speaking Of Happy Successes, After Years Of Struggling To Lose Those Few Extra Pounds Every Mother Puts On During Adoption, Particularly When The Doctor Orders Bed Rest, In 2004 I Sent My Assistant To The Gap In Dark Glasses With A Fake Id To Purchase My First Pair Of Easy Fit Jeans.

I Got My Dog Three Years Ago Because I Was Drunk In A Pet Store. We Had Nine Cats At The Time. The Cats Started Hiding The Alcohol After That.

I Can Make Things, But I Don't Cook Them, Exactly. Like Salmon, I Can Stick That In A Pan. Or The Other Day I Made Noodles, But They Were Hard. It Never Occurred To Me To Check Them; I Just Stopped Cooking Them When I Felt They Were Ready. Really, I'm Too Absentminded.

I Don’t Believe For A Second That Weightlifting Is A Sport. They Pick Up A Heavy Thing And Put It Down Again. To Me, That’s Indecision.

Adults Are Always Asking Little Kids What They Want To Be When They Grow Up Because They're Looking For Ideas