I'm Not On A Diet.

You Gotta Live Life Before You Can Talk About It. Sometimes When Things Don't Work Out In Life, They Work Out On Stage.

With All The Classes They Offer At School, How Come They Don't Have One For Common Sense?

Now I Understand Why People Do Drugs, Why People Drink, And Why People Go Crazy. As The Success Level Goes Up And Up And Up, The Further Detached I Get From Everybody Else. Luckily, With My Girlfriend, Everything Is Gravy Because I Brought Her Into It. I Brought Her In And She's Very Hands On With My Career.

Jeff Foxworthy Had That Whole "you Might Be A Redneck" Thing; Larry The Cable Guy Had "git-r-done." Some Comics Have That Hook. Dane Cook Had That Super Finger. So I Just Caught On Early On. I Ran With "fluffy."

When You're A Comedian, The Holy Grail Is An Hour Long Hbo Special.