I'm Not A Movie Star

Men Don't Come Up To You To Just Talk. We Come Up To You With A Plan. We're Looking Across The Room At You, And We Don't Care About Your Hopes And Dreams. We Don't Care About What Your Future Holds. We Saw Something We Wanted.

The First Time I Saw My Wife, Marjorie, I Was Doing Stand-up In Memphis, And She Was Sitting In The Front Row. Afterward, I Walked Up And Said, "ma'am, I'm Going To Marry You One Day". And 15 Years Later, I Did.

All You Have To Do Is Speak Up. Tell Him Straight Up: "i Need You Here To Protect And Provide For Us, To Give Us Security In Our Lives, To Help Raise These Children, To Set An Example For This Boy, Who Needs To See What Real Men Do, And For This Girl, Who Needs To Know What A Real Man Is So She Can Find One Of Her Own Someday. I Need You To Be The Head Of This Family." Lay It Out Like This, And Your Requirements Will Trump His Mother's Every Time.

We Men Are Very Simple People: If We Like What We See, We’re Coming Over There. If We Don’t Want Anything From You, We’re Not Coming Over There. Period. Please Highlight This Part Right Here So You Can Always Remind Yourself The Next Time A Man Steps To You: A Man Always Wants Something. Always. And When It Comes To Women, That Plan Is Always To Find Out Two Things: (1) If You’re Willing To Sleep With Him, And (2) If You Are, How Much It Will Cost To Get You To Sleep With Him.

I'm Not A Movie Star And I Know That.