I'm Not A Joiner. I

40% Of Homicides Go Unsolved. You Know, It's Not A Very Good Record. And, Also, 95% Of Convictions In America Come From Plea Bargaining, Which Is Often Coerced. It's Like We Have The Worst Of Both Worlds. We Don't Convict The Guilty Enough, And We Coerce The Innocent Too Much.

Doctors Said That The Test Most Commonly Used To Screen For Colon Cancer Doesn't Go Far Enough. They're Recommending A Procedure That Involves Photographing The Entire Colon. I Say, Don't Vie Cbs An Idea For Another Reality Show.

Ronald Reagan Came From Show Business. His Idea Of How The Government Should Help The Homeless Was Like Your Agent. "we'll Try To Get You Work. But Don't Bug Us About It."

New Rule: Tulips Aren't Flowers. They're Some Kind Of Gay Onion.

Between Trying To Impeach Bill Clinton, Florida 2000, And The Recall In California, I'm Beginning To Think That Republicans Will Do Anything To Win An Election-except Get The Most Votes.