Illinois Is The Only State

In Hollywood, Oscar Is King.

But Down In Florida In The Early Voting, There Were Computer Glitches, Confusing Ballots, Long Lines And Chaos. And When President Bush Heard About This, He Said, 'mission Accomplished!'

The Hillary Team Is Driving Around In A Van. Sometimes People Get Those Gag Bumper Stickers Put On Their Van. Hillary Has One On Her Van, And It Says, 'if This Van's Rockin', I'm Deleting Emails.'

You Know, Barack Obama The Last Ten Days Was Traveling Overseas Campaigning In Europe And Everywhere. It Was So Successful, Campaigning Abroad, That He Is Actually Thinking About Campaigning Here In The United States.

I Got Some Good News Earlier Today Before The Show. Thanks To Alex Rodriguez, I Am No Longer The Most Overpaid Disappointment In New York City.