If You Have A Gun,

I Want To Just Take A Moment To Thank The Teabaggers. Thank You So Much For Helping Us Pass Health Care, For Resurrecting The Obama Presidency. I Know They're Saying, 'why Are You Thanking Me? I Was So Against It, I Marched On Washington With Tea Bags Hanging Off My Founding Fathers Costume, With A Gun On My Hip And A Picture Of Obama Dressed As Hitler, Screaming About His Birth Certificate.' And America Saw That And Said, 'i Think I'll Go With The Calm Black Man.'

When Sex Is Good Theres Nothing Better, When Its Bad Its Not Bad.

You Would Think There Is A Higher Bar Than Having A Facebook Page To Run For President.

Suicide Is Man's Way Of Telling God, 'you Can't Fire Me - I Quit.'

I Don't Say That I'm An Atheist. I Don't Like That Term, Because I Think It Mirrors The Certitude Of Religion. I Say I Don't Know. And If You Don't Know - And You Don't - Just Man Up And Say You Don't Know. Don't Turn To Silly Stories And Ancient Myths.