If You Have A Gun,

To Even Win A Nomination In This Country, You Have To Say You're A Person Of Great Faith. You Have To Pledge To The People Out There That You Put Your Faith In Things That Are Unable To Be Proven - That You Suspend Critical Thinking As The Way To Go.

Republicans Have Pounced. They're Outraged. They Say, 'how Dare You Lie About Caring For The People Who Got Hurt In The War We Lied Them Into?'

New Rule: If An Evangelical Tries To Use Halloween To Pimp Jesus To Kids, They Get To Egg His House. On Halloween, The President Of The American Family Association Urged His Flock To Hand Out A Christian-based Comic Book Instead Of Candy. Excuse Me, Halloween Isn't A Time To Push Your Beliefs. You Don't See Me Handing Out Pot To Kids...okay, Well Not The Little Kids.

I Get The Playboy Thing A Lot. People Assume I Go Out With Bimbos. I Couldn`t Go Out With Bimbos If I Tried! I Scare Them Off! The Women That Like Me Are Smart. So I Go To The Playboy Mansion Four Or Five Times A Year, But People Think I Go All The Time.

It's A Little Strange When You Have Never Been To War, And You Eye-roll About A Guy Who's Got Shrapnel Still In His Body, As Chuck Hagel Does.